On This Season of Ashton Baker

Has there ever been anything in your life that is both wonderful and terrible?

Pregnancy is one of those things for me.

I have many loved ones who have struggled having children, whether it be getting pregnant

in the first place or recovering from a very painful loss. The fact that I have not experienced those challenges makes me feel guilty whenever I complain or say that I hate being pregnant. But I do hate it.

That didn't dampen the excitement any when Erik and I found out we were expecting, and once the incorrectly named morning sickness reared its ugly head, I still said a prayer every day expressing gratitude for the baby and earnest pleas that the baby would grow and develop as she should. Still, when well-meaning people congratulated me and then asked, "How many kids do you think you'll have?" Well, the first trimester is probably the worst time to ask me that. The second place winner would be during labor or shortly after giving birth.

With Emma, I remember mainly getting sick at night. I didn't feel great during the day, but at night, I didn't want to eat dinner and I usually threw up. This go 'round, I made a donation to the porcelain throne morning, afternoon, and night. I came down with nasty headaches in the base of my head and into my neck. I also had a pitiful amount of energy. Thank goodness my toddler naps, because you better believe Mommy was sleeping then, too. Erik took on a lot after work with preparing meals and entertaining Emma until her bedtime. I don't know what I would have done without him. And I cannot imagine what it would be like to have more severe sickness, like with HG.

Fortunately, with the second trimester I've gotten a lot better. My energy is still a little on the low side; I take naps on occasion and can't get through very many chores before needing to sit down. I definitely struggle with chasing after Emma some days. But I'm gaining weight instead of losing it, and I rarely puke, which makes anything else feel more bearable.

I'm starting to feel the baby move, which is the happier side of pregnancy. At the end of the day, that's why I'm doing something I hate. I love my babies. I love being a mother. The sacrifice is worth it. I just need to remember that when I'm having a harder day. Those are still going to happen because growing a human really messes with a woman's body! But by golly, we can also figure out how to roll with the punches.

Along with the upcoming addition to our family, I also have had a change in career. I'm a stay-at-home mom now. Leaving my former place of employment was hard, despite it being what I wanted. I have friends there that I miss getting to see, and it was a really good place to work at. But being at home feels right, and we're blessed that we were able to have this option.

Emma seems to like having me home, though we do get into some arguments here and there. The toddler stage involves a lot of figuring each other out, with Emma testing boundaries and me puzzling over how to keep her safe while also letting her experience life so she can grow and learn (while I simultaneously do NOT lose my mind or temper). I know communication is fundamental with parents and children, but it's a bit tricky when the kid speaks fluent jabber mixed in with some English. We're getting there, though! And even though I don't speak her language, I am pretty confident about when she's cussing me out versus when she's just making conversation.

Life is good. I will survive this pregnancy. I will survive parenting my toddler. Will I survive having a toddler and a baby at the same time? Eh, jury's still out on that one. But at the very least, I will not be bored!

This season is bound to be an exciting one. I, for one, can't wait.

To be continued...