October

October--

Orange, red, brown

Crunchy walks, corn mazes

Cocoa

Chilly, cozy

Thick blankets

Cute sweaters, hoodies

Pumpkin scents

Pumpkin tastes

Spooky vibes

Ghost stories

Movie nights

Happy birthday

Happy Halloween

One of my favorite months

I'm turning 31 this year. 30 went by so fast, I don't know that I really gave it much thought. Still, it was a good year, and to celebrate it, I've written a list of things that I enjoyed:

• Spending time with both sides of our family. We are fortunate to live near most of our family--and fortunate to see my sister-in-law, brother-in-law, and their baby who live in another state often considering the distance

• Watching Emma have a blast playing in the snow

• Going to Luminaria at Thanksgiving Point (gorgeous Christmas lights) with my side of the family

• Emma having fun opening presents on Christmas

• Becoming an aunt again to my third nephew

• Having Harper and watching her grow into her own little personality

• Watching Emma step into the role of big sister

• Finding a way to read more books so that I'm slowly but surely surely making my way through my TBR

• Starting my Threads account and finding a community of writers there that are talented and supportive

• Starting a book I've thought about a long time in one of my pretty journals, telling myself it's going to be great

I want to make 31 even more special of a year. I haven't quite decided how that looks for me, but I know it includes:

• Creating happiness for myself and my family

• Adding light to the lives of those around me

• Growing as a writer

• Growing as a wife, a mother, and a homemaker

I should also add that I want to learn to accept my own efforts. I never feel that I measure up. As a writer, I don't believe in my talent. As a wife and mother, I see all my shortcomings. As a homemaker, I hate the mess that I can never keep up with.

Of course, I'm not perfect in any area of my life. I have weaknesses. But I don't want those weaknesses to take up the whole of my vision. I can acknowledge them, work on them even, while holding firm to the idea that I also have strengths that make me a success rather than a failure.

I'm not a failure as a writer because for the second time, I did not accomplish my goal of reading through and editing my novel, Sidekick. It's just a difficult season in my life to complete edits, especially on a novel that I feel very discouraged about. My focus should be on the fact that I both found a wonderful writing community online and started a new novel. I even made myself proud by choosing one of my pretty journals to start it in.

But it's hard looking at my goals I wrote for September, and Sidekick was only one of two goals. Surely, I could have done it. I said, "I must do [it]. Somehow, someway, excuses aside, I must." And I didn't.

If I dwell on this too long, I'll start to spiral, and spiraling isn't productive or helpful to my wellbeing.

The other goal was easy. Read every day. Done!

I read five books this month:

1. Fourth Wing (The Empyrean #1) by Rebecca Yarros

2. Charming Artemis (The Lancaster Family #5/The Jonquil Brothers #7) by Sarah M. Eden

3. The Girl in His Shadow (Nora Beady #1) by Audrey Blake

4. Cackle by Rachel Harrison

5. As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales from the Making of The Princess Bride by Cary Elwes

All were enjoyable in their own way. I applaud all the writers for their talents, for sharing their stories with the world.

And I tell myself that this could be me. Will be me.

I have one goal for October.

1. Learn to believe in and be supportive to myself