Go with the Flow

I have a minute—maybe more, maybe less—where both of my children are sleeping. Lately, they’ve been waking up at the same time in the morning, which means I’m feeding the baby a bottle while the toddler needs a diaper change, her juice, something to eat, a show… And I wish, not for the first or last time, that there were two of me.

Emma is doing as well as can be expected with this life change, going from a single child to a big sister. She brings me diapers or burp cloths when I ask, and occasionally she wants to hold her baby sis. But when her grandpa jokingly asked if he could take Harper home, Emma didn’t hesitate to nod and say “bye” to Harper as she waved.

But I’m proud of Emma. Being two is hard! Being two and sharing your parents is hard! She’s handling it the best she can. I can’t expect 100% good days because, good grief, Mom’s having to adjust, too, and I have my bad days. So, if I, the adult, have moments of emotional breakdown, then Emma is allowed her moments, too.

Much of my frustration stems from not being able to tackle everything at once. The house is a wreck. Weekly food menus and grocery lists are the bane of my existence. And sometimes I feel myself slipping into autopilot; feed the baby, change her diaper, change the toddler’s diaper, try to put the baby down for a nap, end up holding baby instead, wander around the house picking up the occasional item, feed the baby… And my toddler is sitting in front of the TV more than I originally wanted, but right now it’s what I need until I find my sea legs.

I will eventually be able to direct this ship where I want it to go, but I’m going with the flow today. I was doing so good with my weekly blog posts on Wednesdays, but hey, it’s okay that I’m finally getting one out and it’s a Monday. And I felt awesome that I had kept to my “write something, anything, every day” goal, but that’s long since fallen to pieces. That’s fine. I can start it up again with an emphasis on “anything”—meaning that I might have to be satisfied if I only jot a single line down. A baby step forward is still movement.

There are so many things I want to accomplish each day, but it’s just not possible. So, one day at a time, Mama. One item on my ever-growing to-do list at a time. And there is no shame in going with the flow. I have time for schedules and routine later. They can wait.