Found My New Mantra

I’ve been using my journal more often lately. Instead of planning a specific day a week where I try to do a quick life update, I’ve been grabbing it whenever I feel something that needs to be jotted down. It ranges from the wonderful (my nephew being born) to the hard (challenges I’m facing that, once on paper, somehow seem a little more manageable).

My goal is to mainly capture me—who I really am. Sometimes, I feel like I’m always playing a part. In my journal, I try to sound wise. Online, I try to sound confident and friendly. In truth, I’m always second-guessing myself, I care way too much what other people think, and I know nothing. So if I start using my journal more often as a space to vent, a space to be confused, a space to express sorrow or joy or frustration, then I will show who I really am to anyone who may pick it up in the future.

Part of the inspiration behind this is a book I recently finished reading called House of Dreams: The Life of L.M. Montgomery by Liz Rosenberg. I have only ever read L.M. Montgomery’s Anne of Green Gables series, which I loved, and I have another book of hers on my shelf waiting to be picked up. I was curious about the writer’s life, and so, on a recommendation, I purchased Rosenberg’s biography on her and dove in.

Montgomery’s life was surprisingly tragic when you compare her story with that of Anne Shirley. She wrote such beautiful stories while she lived less-than-beautiful days, especially the last few years of her life. That’s not to say that she was never happy or never had a good moment. She had contentment, she had happiness, and she had an eye for wonderful things. In many ways, she sounded like a kind woman who did the best she could with what she had.

Alongside penning her novels, she also found the time to write often in her journals. She revealed so much about her life, about her thoughts and feelings, in these journals. And I think that, despite the fact she lived many years ago, due to her recording herself, anyone who wants to can get to know her pretty well. I’ve written before about journaling, and a goal of mine has been to leave pieces of myself behind so that any of my posterity can get to know me, if they want to, even long after I’m gone.

I also think journaling is great writing practice, which I’m in heavy need of. I started my editing process of Sidekick. I haven’t gotten far into it, but what I have looked at, I’ve liked. But I know the middle is a sludgy mess, and I’m not looking forward to trudging my way through it. Slow and steady with a lot of grace is what it’ll take to make it out to the other side with any shred of belief that I can write a good book.

This week, I want to get further into edits, figure out my daughter’s napping schedule (as the little stinker hasn’t napped the last two days), and find more patience with my pregnancy. I’m slowing down, I’m tired, and each morning I wake up, I have to remind myself that if I was able to get through the day before, I can get through today. We don’t have much time left before we’ll be welcoming our baby girl into the world, and I can put up with the challenges until then.

Slow and steady with a lot of grace. Slow and steady with a lot of grace. I think I’ve found a new mantra.